you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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