wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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