this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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