I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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