Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
