If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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