there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
