we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What drink are we having for lunch?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
