Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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