whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he puts the penis in happiness.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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