Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
