I met the friendliest cop last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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