If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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