He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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