I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
