I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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