I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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