I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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