We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
