I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
