As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize