I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
