he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
