i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
