Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
