threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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