and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who died my cat blue again?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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