Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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