I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
