i think my tv is drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
