i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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