Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
