I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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