Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
