I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
