That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
