oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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