Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
