when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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