Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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