Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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