does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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