its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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