i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
