Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want her autograph on my taint
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
