oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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