So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
