Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I believe in your delicious
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
