this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
