Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
