I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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