when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
