but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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