I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize