Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
