Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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