I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
