none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
