If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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