I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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