Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
