My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I am morally bankrupt
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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