How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
