I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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