Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
