I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Come on in and take your pants off
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