he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
