She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
