No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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