I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
