sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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