the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
