all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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