Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
