Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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