I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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