dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
