It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
