I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize