i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
