What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
