I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
