There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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