you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
