She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
