You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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