she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
