She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
