Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
