i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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