I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
