OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
