I puked a lego.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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