Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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