So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
