its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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