you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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