i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
